8 things to look forward to in the next round of the World Cup [Satire]

Xavi to examine the grass length before the Chile game

It’s commonly known fact that if Barcelona/Spain ever lose a game then it’s because of the excessive grass on the pitch. So Xavi has taken it upon himself to cut the grass if it’s too lengthy,so that Spain can dominate possession and have a higher passing rate than Italy(Who have the highest passing rate in the World Cup at the moment). But Diego Costa is secretly worried,that the lack of grass will impact his chances of diving successfully.

Xavi mowing grass for Barcelona

Cristiano Ronaldo to change his hairstyle during half time

During the Euro 2012,Ronaldo famously changed his hairstyle during the half time. But sadly to the disappointment of millions of fans worldwide Ronaldo came out with the same hairstyle in the second half against Germany.  Now that Pepe is jobless,he can become Ronaldo’s hair dresser while Bento’s giving his half time talk.

Wayne Rooney to submit a transfer request to The Fa

Wayne Rooney’s agent Paul Stretford will submit a transfer request to The Fa at the striker’s insistence. Wayne Rooney was upset at being played on the left by the England manager Roy Hodgson. Top executives at The FA are confused and have no idea what to with the request so they have enlisted Ed Woodward’s help.

Netherlands to become Red from Oranje

More Manchester United fans than Dutch fans are expected to tune in to the Netherlands’ next game as they hope to banish their memories of last season by watching their next manager and their star striker in the World Cup. Twitter and Facebook was fully dominated by Manchester United fans who were quite all year long during the Netherlands’ win over Spain.

Internet Servers to go down

With the amount of “Tactical Analysis” articles increasing day by day,internet servers went down as their maximum capacity had been reached. The articles and blogs reached an all time high when Van Gaal played a False One with two inverted Goalkeepers against Australia.

Television broadcasters to miss a goal

Fans across the world watching on Television will miss a crucial goal as cameramen on the field were intent on increasing the gender diversity on the screen by showing female fans in the stands.

Scolari to pair Fred and Jo

After coming in for criticism for not playing attacking football against Mexico,Scolari decides to play both of his world class strikers Fred and Jo in  the next match by dropping Neymar. Backed up by a midfield of Paulinho,Gustavo,Ramires and Hulk,Brazil will look to win the world cup in front of their home fans.

Thomas Muller seals new contract

Thomas Muller had his hard work pay off as he signed a lucrative contract with A Band Apart Films which is Quentin Tarantino’s film company. Tarantino is following the World Cup closely as he was informed that the best of the acting talent in the world will be on display.